The Fat Skinny Bitch!

In 1976, I went on a world tour and chose to take with me a minimum of clothes which I packed into my luggage so, anything I needed I would buy overseas.

On the last phase of my journey, I departed from a city in Italy and went by hovercraft to Dover, England to meet up with a coach tour which headed towards London. I was booked in for a two-week stay at a hotel, and towards the end of my visit, I had to find other accommodation.

After searching for several days, I came across a hostel and decided to rent a room for as long as I stayed. I found this establishment to be very cold by comparison to the hotels heating system, and since I hadn't brought with me sufficient winter clothes, I decided to buy a larger size winter coat, plus knee-high shoes, scarf and a thick knitted hat to keep my head and body warm.

I reasoned that I could fit several warm clothes under the large coat to keep the cold wind out and I would be decidedly much warmer.

I purchased my coat from a store in London and asked the saleslady whether there was a heavy overcoat in stock, she looked at me up and down and tried to figure out why I wanted such a large size.

The sales lady asked me a series of questions, such as "Is the coat for you" and why do you want to buy a large size. I explained to her why I needed the coat. I will be wearing thick undergarments to keep my body warmer. With this answer, the sales lady was happy that I genuinely wanted to purchase the oversized coat.

I had no difficulty in buying the scarf or the hat but, the footwear was another matter. I searched many stores in London and looked for particular shoes, it had to be knee- high and made out of waterproofed material, and it had to have fake fur inside. I found a store which had the shoes I needed.

The only problem with material footwear is, it does not allow the air to circulate and when worn for several hours a day the feet become sweaty, smelly and looking like wrinkled prunes whereas wearing knee-high leather shoes it does not happen.

Wearing the coat with the many undergarments made me look obese, and I did not care how I looked as long as it kept my body warm. Walking the usual way was difficult as I could not see my feet so, I had to rock from side to side (like a penguin) to propel my body.

While strolling along, I came across a boutique clothes shop, and I spotted a dress that I liked. I found I could not get through the door comfortably because of my immense size. I managed to extricate myself from the door on my own after some back and forth movement. I saw the sales lady and asked where the dresses were for the smaller sizes.

I could see her glaring at me, and she directed me to where the dresses were. I chose one of them, and I asked where the dressing room was. I could hear her say "If you damage the dress you will have to pay for it" my answer was Yeah! Yeah! She repeated this sentence every couple of seconds until I reached the dressing room.

There was a moment where she did not repeat this sentence; it did not last long before I heard her repeat the sentence many times; she was beginning to sound like a broken down record. I had to keep my irritation under control.

I immediately removed my coat and undergarments to display a svelte figure where the smaller dress size was two sizes too big for me.

I came out of the dressing room wearing the dress and showed the same sales lady how big the dress was on me, and I asked her whether she had a smaller size. She looked at me in total disbelief when she saw me in the dress and how big it was. To get her attention, I waved my hand in front of her, and I explained to her that my significant figure was fake and the reason behind it.

I asked her why on earth, I would choose a small size dress to try it on when I displayed my prominent fat figure.

My next question to her was, didn't she think that I would have the common sense to know whether a dress size would be suitable.

Her answer to both questions was she could not work it out.

I wanted this dress, so I purchased it, and I thought that I would grow into it when I left London and headed back home to Australia. This dress is still in my wardrobe, and it is forty-three years old. From time to time, I take it out to look at it with fond memories.

When I exited the shop, I experienced another mishap by getting jammed in the doorway again, and this time I could not release my body from the door on my own as I had come into the shop. For a moment I tried to work out why and the reason dawned on me it could have been when I donned on my undergarments in the dressing room, not in the order I took them off.

I called the sales staff to help me exit the shop as I found my fat body jammed in the door again since they all knew why I was obese in the first place they could see the funny side of it and burst out laughing, while they were pushing, prodding to get me unstuck. They found it challenging to release me from the door and called upon more staff to help out, the new group arrived but were not made aware that the figure I portrayed was false and assumed that my body was naturally fat.

So, imagine their shock when they heard peals of laughter from the staff that were already present when they arrived. I could listen to one of the staff members saying that it was not kind to laugh at me in my condition and how rude of them to keep smiling. The staff member that made this remark was taken aside and told the whole truth.

My concern was to get out of this situation as I had envisioned help coming from outside and that I would make headline news.

I was free at last!