Do you need an encourager in your life now? Ever needed one in the past? Are you an encourager? Just so we are on the same page if you decide to read this article - an encourager is someone who - guess what - yes, encourages others. But, is there more to the idea of being an encourager? Yes, and I know firsthand what role an encourager can have in our life when we are heading in the wrong direction, hitting bottom or just feel like no one cares.
During my years I have had many occasions when I was in desperate need of encouragement rather than invalidation. And, on some occasions, these people showed up and, on many occasions, I was left alone to navigate life's challenges, trials, adversity and failures alone. I have learned both the hard way and the easy way the importance of having encouragers in our lives when we need them.
How about you - ever had to deal with a life issue alone and no one was in your corner or maybe even no one who cared? I can tell you if you have never been there that these times can be very trying life circumstances that can stretch us to our limits of faith, patience, hope, and belief forcing us to reach deep and find something we didn't even know we had.
What is the role of an encourager?
Encouragers are not in our lives to pave the way forward so that we can aimlessly wander through life's circumstances, lessons and challenges without effort, learning, fear or even guaranteed success. Encouragers are teachers. They are caring and compassionate souls who want to help us learn life's lessons with as little pain and trauma as possible but they are not in our lives to help us avoid what life wants and needs us to learn so we can be productive humans regardless of our roles, responsibilities or opportunities. Encourages can cheer us on, root for us and listen to our concerns and needs but their role is not to remove the learning from our lives that are necessary to master so we can grow and become productive in whatever fashion we have chosen.
Encouragers don't remove the pain or drama from our life, but they help us to find the inner courage, belief, and resilience to handle it, manage it, overcome it and yes learn from it.
Who can be an encourager?
Encouragers can be family, friends, co-workers, customers and even total strangers. I can recall years ago sitting in an airport waiting to board a flight when I was having a conversation with a total stranger. FYI - ever had one of those - where you shared intimate inner fears, dreams, plans, hopes or frustrations with a total stranger who you knew you would never see again? Happens all the time and why? We all need times to share, express and cathart and if we don't have people in our routine lives who can fill this role, we will reach out to anyone and everyone from time to time.
Back to my example - I shared with them the frustration of dealing with a challenging client that I had been working with for years. They listened respectfully as I went on for what seemed forever, and they finally asked a simple question. "Why are you tolerating this behavior and not just cutting the cord and moving on?" This is not what I thought I wanted to hear or felt I needed to hear but it was what they chose to share, and you know what - in reality, it was exactly what I needed to hear.
I could have shared this with a spouse at the time or a few good friends and peers but was unable to admit the frustration to them so I just kept it bottled up inside me to the detriment of other relationships and activities in my life that kept deteriorating due to my lack of ability or willingness to address the issue. Finally, with the help of a total stranger, I was able to move one.
Ever been there? How about family, friends and even neighbors who from time to time are needed to help us weather life's storms?
How can we handle stuff when we don't have an encouraged in our life?
Trials, tribulations, adversity, disappointment, failure, etc. are all a normal part of living. To deny them is to be naive and immature. So, what are we to do when they strike with or without warning? There are dozens of ways to manage life's negative circumstances and while some are more efficient than others many can be a waste of time, energy and even resources.
Enter the encourager, someone who can help you, support you, believe in you, teach you, encourage you and care. No one likes going through adversity alone especially when we are unable to see clearly the resources, solutions or answers that are obvious and right in front of us.
No one wants to feel abandoned or without someone who cares when life's negatives show up on our doorstep. We all need emotional support from time to time regardless of our age, gender, financial status or education.
Without encouragers in our lives during challenging times we will tend to overreact, fall into depression, feel hopeless, make dumb decisions or just isolate ourselves from the world.
Encouragers are an important part of our lives and believe me having gone through many negative life experiences alone I treasure a few of the encouragers I have had during my life. "Thant you - each and every one of you."
What does it take to be an encourager for others?
I'll keep this final question short and to the point. To be an encourager you need some or many of the following traits, characteristics, attitudes, beliefs, values, etc.
-You care about the influence you have on others.
-You believe in the value of the human spirit in others.
-You do not have a selfish bone in your body.
-You always put others ahead of yourself.
- You have a giving spirit.
- You want to leave a legacy of service.
- You have the ability, to be honest even when the message might be perceived as negative.
- You have a healthy self-esteem.
- You don't need the approval of others to feel personal value.
- You are a listener.
- You do not have personal agendas whole encouraging others.
Yes, there are many others, but these are a few of the basics.
Got any of these traits? Need them from someone else?