Does Breaking Up HAVE to Be Hard to Do? Can It Be Done Well?

By Annie Collyer

Manage Expectations Right From the Beginning

If you both are mindful of about how relationships develop and agree to explore yours correctly together right from the start, you'll be managing your expectations. Then you can relax and enjoy what you have, as you have it.

If it's not working, you can talk about it, and move on. If it works, you can talk about that, and move into commitment.

Being mindful means being realistic and aware.

A Breakup Doesn't Have to Mean the Friendship Ends

If the love and romance relationship isn't going to work, you can end amicably. You simply both decide you're not Mr. or Miss Right, and accept and move on.

Does that sound too easy?

The best way to handle the breakup is talk about it. You may surprise one another to learn you value and want to keep the friendship, without the romance.

When it becomes a power struggle of its own, and difficult, you have entered an arena of conflict. The conflict is usually set up early in the relationship, by unreasonable expectations, hopes, dreams, insecurities and ego-defense mechanisms.

This can be avoided by agreeing early on, at the beginning of the honeymoon phase, that you will have fun and get to know one another better, enjoying the moments.

Being mindful right from the start about how relationships evolve can help offset the potential for looking for life-long commitment too early, with the upset that go along with finding out it's not what you want.

Handling Hurt and Upset

Sometimes situations unfortunately occur that are too painful to continue a relationship. You find that the person has qualities or has done things that you find toxic to your life.

Forgiveness is something that will benefit you. That's an allowing for that person to be who they are and to make their choices to navigate their life. But it doesn't have to mean including your ex in your life.

Getting to Friendship

Except when there has been great hurt, friendships can result after a romance is over. Having an open and accepting conversation at the breakup is best for both of you, to move on in whole and healthy ways.

Sometimes one of you isn't ready to accept the breakup, even when you've agreed from the start that you'd mindfully explore the stages of a relationship. At that point, it'll be best to accept and allow his or her feelings as they are right now.

Getting into a power struggle, and/or adding insults and hurtful remarks, won't change that, and just burns bridges for any possibility of future friendship. Face it, you each know one another well enough to know the hot buttons to push.

Even if your ex does lash out, resist retaliating. Avoiding striking back will keep you from later regrets, even though it can be a quick protective response. Sticking to the high road is emotionally healthier for you in the long-run.

Who knows what the future holds? You had good times together and enjoyed one another's company for a time, so perhaps a friendship may be reclaimed at some point, once your ex's feelings have time to heal.

One thing to keep in mind, is there is something you found of value in your partner, and vice-versa. While you may not be a love match for life, you can still agree to value and enjoy one another's company and presence in your life.

You are looking to have love in your life, right? You tried a relationship and it just isn't the right one for you for the long-term. You can, by being creatively mindful, break up in a way that allows the possibility of friendship between you.

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