We Must Tell Our Stories

It was fifteen years ago when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My first reaction was shock. Worry quickly followed. How serious is it? What is the treatment? What is going to happen?

Frantic concerns were swirling in my head. While I was plenty aware of breast cancer, I had no previous experience of it. No one close to me had been diagnosed. I felt shaky on unfamiliar ground.

I went to work and made an effort to go on as if it were an ordinary day, but I couldn't concentrate. Finally, when I felt like I was going to cry at my desk, I confided in a trusted coworker about my mother. With the compassion and understanding that comes from having walked this path, she asked me questions about the tests and diagnosis and told me about her family's experience.

Then I spoke to my supervisor so I could plan for some time off, and she shared her family's experience with breast cancer. In fact, over and over again when I told others, they shared their stories of a loved one's experience with breast cancer. I had no idea there were so many people around me that had gone through this. It was like I had joined a club that I didn't know existed.

This became a silver lining around the cloud of cancer: I wasn't alone. I was supported. I had a community. And I was a lot less scared.

This is why we need to tell our stories.

Yet so often we go through our days with a shiny veneer of "I'm fine!" while hiding a sadness, grief or struggle that inevitably shows up in our lives. When everyone walks around presenting the image of having it all together while we are struggling, we feel lost and alone. And it's a big fat lie.

Social media doesn't help. Scrolling through your social media feed provides a continuous highlight reel of others' carefully curated, photogenic lives. All the best vacations, happiest family gatherings, and most awesomest meals ever. Just thinking about it makes me feel a little deflated.

On some college campuses this pretense has become ingrained in campus culture. At the University of Pennsylvania, students use the shorthand "Penn face" to describe acting happy and confident even when stressed and overwhelmed. At Duke, students feel pressured to be effortlessly perfect without visible effort. At Stanford, it's called Duck Syndrome because ducks appear to glide smoothly over water while paddling frantically below the surface.

The truth is that everyone's life has highs and lows. But the more we hide the lows and present a fa�ade of constant highs, the more we cut ourselves off from the support that's all around us and the more difficult we make it for others to find comfort that they are not alone.

This doesn't mean that you need to bleed your heart with every person you meet. Bren� Brown, who studies vulnerability and shame, says "Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: Who has earned the right to hear my story?"

You get to choose who has earned your story - someone you trust, someone who will understand, someone with whom you have a solid connection. The person you open up to may not be the same for every story, and you may become more comfortable sharing your stories over time.

Give yourself permission to take off the mask of "I'm fine!" and discover your community of support.

"Be careful about hiding yourself away, because walls that are meant to be fortresses can quickly turn into prisons. Be careful about trying to become invisible or you may accidentally disappear." - Elizabeth Gilbert

Pam Bauer is a Certified Life Coach who helps people reinvigorate their lives with purpose and direction. Her mission is helping people get past what is holding them back so they can create something new in their work, relationships and world to live a life they love. Get her free guide "Four Fast Ways to Feel Good Now" here. Learn more about creating a life you love at pambauercoaching.com.


 By Pam Bauer


Article Source: We Must Tell Our Stories

Post a Comment

Informations From: Taun17

Previous Post Next Post
  • Act Like Who or What You Want to Attract - Achieve the Outcome of Your Dreams - The LOA

    If the Law of Attraction had a mouth and a voice with words that can be heard and utilized more frequently by you and me what do you think would be said? I can only imagine something like this: Act or interact with the people, places and events that you most want to manifest. It's all a vibration, w... Readmore

  • Message From the Universe: Visualizing What's Ahead!

    "Lots of people wonder... Fewer take the time to really think...But I'll be darned, sometimes I think I could count on the fingers of my hand how many actually visualize the life of their dreams, as if their dreams had already come true, every single day, for just five minutes or so.Do it 'till you'... Readmore

  • Social Media Strategy: Become That Which You Desire To See

    As I trolled social media this morning I couldn't help but notice how many postings are of a negative nature. Take away the ads (which many of them fill you with fear to buy) and the personal postings of pets and children, and virtually every message we see is negative.Yet ask anyone if they'd prefe... Readmore

  • Year End Grief Review

    In the world of business there is a year-end review. Profit and loss is under serious scrutiny. Did we meet our goals? Are we better off than we were before? What actions should we take for next year?You might consider a year-end grief review. Have you overcome or reconciled your grief and sorrow? Y... Readmore

  • What Do You Really Want? And How Do You Really Make It Happen?

    We're into the first weeks of January, New Year's resolutions have been made and broken, visions have been created and forgotten, goals have been set and set aside. It feels like the year has begun with a giant belly flop. Why is this?Most of us have no friggin' idea how to keep our resolutions, or ... Readmore

  • Your Footprint in the Sands of Time

    Does anyone's life really matter? If you didn't do anything that was recognized, world-changing or life altering, will the world ever know that you existed? There is a process in the life cycle on Earth that is true for every living form from the minutest to the most sophisticated, the human. Everyt... Readmore

  • Do You Think You Deserve To Have It Better Than You Do?

    EntitlementAbout 6 years ago a psychologist said to me that I may have an entitlement schema. I didn't know what she was talking about because I had had a hard life, and I couldn't see where I was thinking I was entitled.A few months ago I was reading a book by Caroline Myss and she wrote something ... Readmore

  • Are You An AUTHENTIC Leader?

    Those who follow my articles, realize I have spent many of them, related to the necessities, assets, abilities, etc, needed to be an effective leader. However, in today's world, where empty promises, rhetoric, vitriol, blaming and complaining, appear do often dominate over quality leadership plannin... Readmore

  • Do You Have the Necessary Discipline?

    I believe 100% in the importance of "mindset" in successfully accomplishing goals. If you believe in your heart of hearts that you either don't deserve success or lack confidence, you simply will not. All of your efforts will be in vain because you are programmed to fail.How can you tell if your min... Readmore

  • What Are Your REASONS For Being A Leader?

    Have you ever wondered or considered, why some people, including you, are driven to perform the often - thankless job of being a leader? Since there are often so many obstacles, challenges, etc, as well as the significant amount of time, energy and resources one must expend, is there any wonder, we ... Readmore