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Feeling Anxious All The Time? I Totally Understand You!

Every day of my life, I go through this feeling of anxiety. It gives me rough days of living, dealing, and fighting it. I don't know when it will stop nor will it really stop 'coz it feels like it won't go away and is even getting worse. I am certain that I'm not the only one who's experiencing it because everyone says the world is big but why is it that I feel like the world is crashing over me? This big world seems like I can barely fit in. I even sleep with tears flowing down my pillow worrying about the things that would happen after waking up.

First of all, nursing is not my chosen profession. I was just told to do so but fortunately, I still passed the Nursing Licensure Examination. I am now working as an occupational health nurse and I think I'm starting to love it especially when thinking about helping employees prevent diseases and promote health. However, I don't know if I'm doing it right especially when responding to emergencies. I tremble, I panic, I can easily be startled and my hands are always shaking. Another thing, every little scenario tightens my throat and muscles, hyperventilation starts and my heart beats fast. Take note, I have always been monitoring my heart rate and it ranges from 94-107 beats per minute even if I'm at rest. I am thinking if I'm really having an anxiety disorder or I'm just suffering from a certain condition that still needs to be detected. The fact that I'm still worrying about these things, anxiety is still present. I get really frustrated if someone notices that my hands are constantly shaking and freely sweating even if I am only doing simple things that involves fine motor skills like wound dressing, IV infusion, blood glucose testing, injecting and the like. I tend to pretend that I am okay, that I am relaxed and calm for the patients to feel at ease as well. I know you'll advise me to take deep breaths, am I right?

Well, I am always doing it before I perform any nursing intervention but the anxiety recurs at the middle of the activity which makes it even harder for me to breath. I can't even write in front of other people. How can I get rid of this? It truly hurts like hell! It usually takes me 3-4 hours to fall asleep because of anxiety attacks. I don't have the courage to talk to our retainer physician 'coz this condition embarrasses me above anything. Other people are fortunate for not experiencing this kind of stuff. I am working for a year now and I'm still not getting used to it. I am getting used to this anxiety instead. I feel that I am not effective and it ridiculously cuts self-esteem. On the other side of the story, I still feel lucky for making it through 365 days of working as an occupational health nurse.

I see lots of flaws in myself that others don't have. I am also dealing with people having different personalities at work and patience is my weakness. I'm concerned of what other people say about me but you know, we can't please everyone. I know that I shouldn't be affected but anxiety haunts me down. I even have doubts of publishing this since this isn't really an article for me. This is some sort of "diary" that other people usually write secretly. I guess everyone now knows how I really feel but this is just the first page of my book. There are still other pages that I can't willingly discuss and soon to be overcome. I can't be talking everything about my negative thoughts here. There are alternative things that I usually do to fight my anxiety at work. Aside from taking deep breaths, I usually talk to patients and instilling positive outcome in my mind when my anxiety kicks in. Trust me, it works in the mean time! My anxiety can't simply disappear in 2 days or more, that's for sure. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to join any stress management forum in the future and constantly praying that God will eventually take away all my worries. I have greater faith in Him and I won't stop believing that everything will be all right. Let's be clear, work is not the only thing that makes me anxious. I'm just focusing on my job since I am spending half of my day working at the plant. I guess some of you is relieved knowing that someone is also experiencing the things you're going through. You are not alone and although others won't be able to understand us, always remember that this is not making us bad folks. It's just that our anxiety needs to be properly managed so we can do things easily and we can make it happen.

I think I am now ready to ask pieces of advice from our company physician and expecting to have several laboratory tests to be undergoing. I will soon publish another article after treatment is done. Hey, you need to do the same thing if you think that anxiety interrupts you from doing your daily tasks. Doctors won't bite, they're here to help us out. But we should always remember to look up, 'coz God is always known to be the best physician. We can do this!


 By Rhea May T Dolores


Article Source: Feeling Anxious All The Time? I Totally Understand You!

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