Someone gives your child something: a gift, a treat, a compliment. Immediately, you prompt your child:
"What do you say, Honey?"
Most parents have been there. We're trying to teach our children to express appropriate gratitude. At best, we hope our children will develop a thankful heart; at least, we hope they will not embarrass us with a deficiency of common social graces.
Teaching our children to express thanks appropriately seems to be a major challenge, perhaps challenge enough for today's busy parents. Our God-given parental responsibility, however, involves more than teaching our children right or proper behaviors. We are to influence the development of their hearts.
In America today, an attitude of entitlement seems to have eclipsed an attitude of gratitude. Resentment over the things we don't have has displaced significant feelings of gratitude for that which we do have. And, what is needed is more than the mere increase of social graces - saying "thank you" and sending "thank you notes." What we really need is an increase of truly thankful hearts.
God is not satisfied that we merely say "thank you" at appropriate times. He looks for true gratitude in the heart, manifest in its honest expression. If we miss this, or settle for less than this, we are likely to produce someone trained in good manners, but still an ingrate at heart. This ingrate may not look like an ingrate because he/she has learned the social cues, and social rules, and observes the signs well.
Such a person may send "Thank You" notes after receiving graduation, wedding, or shower gifts. They may not, however, be truly grateful; they can be doing nothing more than fulfilling social obligations as they have been taught.
Now, I assume that you don't want to merely raise a well-mannered ingrate. Hopefully, you want to raise a child who has a grateful heart. If that is the case, here are a few suggestions:
First, accept the fact that merely teaching the cues and the appropriate responses is only behavior modification. It is not the goal; it is only movement toward the goal. You have not yet reached the heart of the matter - the heart of the child.
Second, your best tool to impact your child's heart is your own heart. Cultivate a grateful heart in yourself. This is harder than it sounds, especially in this "entitlement age" where we are reminded often that we "deserve" everything. Subtly it strips us of all gratitude by keeping us focused on all that we don't have, aren't getting, or are wearing ourselves out to someday get. Furthermore, many of us are inclined to grumble about what we do have. Our children do not hear that we are grateful to have a job, a home, a car, etc., when what they hear most is our complaints about the job, home, or car we have. In order to help form a grateful heart in your child, you will need to let God refine your heart so that what comes out of your mouth is not grumbling but gratitude.
Finally, make opportunities to share your own experiences of blessings for which thanksgiving is in order. Tell your children about some of the tough times through which God supernaturally took you. By all means, tell your kids how God parted the Red Sea for Israel; but don't neglect to tell how He has "parted the waters" for you.
Summon the sanity to thank God in front of your children for the job you have, the home you have, the many other graces in your life. Remind yourself and them that most people in the world would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Remember, some things in life are easier caught than taught. Gratitude is among these.
Even in a place of loss we can be grateful. Though it can be very difficult, we can be grateful for what is left.
Grieving loss may be fitting, even necessary. Still, a wise and grateful person can see and affirm that which is left, even in the face of great loss. I encourage you to ask God to give you such eyes and such a heart. You might memorize and practice this verse of Scripture: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (I Thessalonians 5:18).
Dane Tyner is founder and director of Home Improvement Ministry,
Inc. in Tulsa OK. The ministry exists to help Bible-believing churches
address the great needs of individuals and families in this day. Learn
more about Dane and H.I.M. at the ministry website: http://www.forhim.org
By
Dane Tyner
